I've just printed and read your paper from
http://an.org/inet98/inet98fri13.html. Overall I think it is great!!!
Humorous, reflective, and full of interesting observations. I think it
will be interesting for you to interact with the audience at INET and the
other panelists... and perhaps we can work in an online component, as well.
Maybe one of your friends or business associates could be online, chatting
with us? Anyway, that is too complicated for now.
Here is some specific feedback:
Background...
This section is wonderful and very interesting. You could say more about
how "arctic conditions" in Oulu contribute to the popularity of the
Internet or the way it is used. (You make this point about cell phones and
IRC both.) It would be helpful to have some more data on Oulu (how big is
the population? how far north is it? are there reindeer in the streets?
what is the industry there? only kidding about the reindeer :-). Is it
losing population, as many remote northern places in the US are?
When you talk about going into business it is not clear what the company
does or how "the profile has changed dramatically". Can you give more
details? Does it still exist? Run by high school pupils?
Perspective...
This section is a bit uneven. I think some of the ideas are not as
developed as others. Specifically, the ones that were not clear for me
were:
On or for the net? (needs more explanation of the two types of users)
What is home? (very good, but again the differences between "new"
users and "old" users could be amplified; I think what you are getting at
is that old users are not distracted by all the media hype about the net
but see it as a tool and as a "given", something like a phone or written
language; it is integrated into their culture and their daily lives...
will this happen with those who are only now being introduced to the net?)
What are the tietoverkko? (the "opinion" section is kind of
rambling... do you mean it to be this way?)
The rest of the paper is quite strong. I particularly thought the "cases"
and the "multipresence" sections were vivid and conveyed much of what your
experience is like.
I congratulate you on being able to write so well in English, and I love
the interwoven poetry (or song lyrics?). There are some grammatical and
spelling errors that we can clear up later, but overall the paper reads
well and your English is very fluent. (It flows!)
I wonder if you are so open and able to reflect on your experiences in part
because of spending a good part of your adolescence on IRC? (I suppose IRC
could just be Hey did you hear Bjork's new album? yes, isn't it cool?)
What do you think? Has IRC changed the nature of your social
relationships/abilities?
Anyhow, I think you have done a great job.
I will try to look at some of the background messages on your site, too.
best,
Laura
PS It did not rain at all here today! Was beautiful and 60 degrees Farenheit.