and they will assist us
'cause we're asking for help
-
felt like shit this morning. had lots to do but lost time trying to find
the money i'd lost in my room but couldn't. didn't have any breakfast
either.
was about to really skip the day. it was awfully cold and raining outside
not to mention the freezing wind, hrr. two weeks ago it was wonderful
summer already but now this horror.
all this anger - but also passion and desire! - was inside but there was
really no way of getting it out of me. i should've exploded but couldn't
and that made it all even worse.
even music didn't help. pluto only made me feel my helplessness and .. yes
yes i know all is full of love and world is beautiful but so what when i'm
shit. even if i'm not but can't do anything good, get it out, even if i'd
found it inside. and i didn't.
was lying on the floor listening to the last sounds. hit repeat, 'cause i
hadn't heard hunter or yoga in ages and was wondering what they actually
would be now. unravel has been my favourite and was coming after them,
perhaps it'd make me actually wanna go to work or do at least something.
or sleep peacefully, wrapping in my blankets, staying warm at home, like
i'd done most of the weekend before repeating the song.
i hardly heard an-y/thing untill bach ended and was expecting 5 years to
start, ready to hit the stop in case it wouldn't feel good and it'd be
better to get back to silence. but there was something different - of
course! - all neon like!
i'm afraid it's quite impossible to explain what the song means to me. or
meant two months ago when i was listening to it constantly in search for
inspiration and finally working out some good things successfully!
my work is the net, has been as long as i can remember, and i recall then
in february when i'd just gotten the album from a friend and was a bit
lost with trying to understand what the net actually meant for me i heard
her singing: "... the marvelous web ... feeds you honey!, feeds you ...
soft distortion ... and they will assist us 'cause we're asking for help
... all neon like!"
that fit so well and opened it all. wonder if anyone remembers when i
wrote here last time about the crisis when i couldn't buy homogenic for
some weird reason and the tickets for the concert we're sold out and .. it
was really a cry for help. and you assisted. 'cause i was asking for it.
Wim had a ticket for me and everything arranged.
that's really what this is about. i tried to describe what happened then
in the <URL:http://an.org/inet98/paper.html#xtocid2280687> what i am
working for but should probably write more about you people. or even
better listen more to what you have to say.
wonder if an-like really is about the net? sounds like it to me but my
head is so full of it an-y/way .. i guess it's not what she was thinking,
probably more a techno prayer for a dance party or something. well it's
just about the same afterall :)
what do you think/feel? what's the song for you, what's the net and/or
bep?
and finally thanks for all you wonderful people out there. for sharing the
music, concerts, videos, images, poems .. joy, pain, happiness and living!
anything. let's try not to get too angry at ourselves.
enjoy.
+ an + ~ Toni ~ : (t . !