i'd been to town just to walk around but found myself in all the record
shops holding homogenic on my hand. for some odd reason i hadn't bought it
before and didn't take it then either, even though it was really close. i
don't know why i was hesitating. perhaps because i'd given away all the
other beloved records too when i moved. that i understand even less.
guess it was part of minimizing the personality or something.
and of course there was the upcoming concert in melkweg! i remember myself
thinking that it might be a good idea to go there first and by the record
afterwards, even though i'd love it anyway from what i'd already heard. so
i went to the ticket office to ask when they were going to start the
pre-sale, i'd read somewhere that it would be soon.
sold out. what? sold out.
i went away.
i couldn't believe it. i didn't bother to ask when the sale had started,
some stupid missunderstanding had happened somewhere and that's it.
naturally i'd missed the earlier gig here in amsterdam last month in roxy
you guys told about. and now this one too. i was shocked. should i go and
buy the record? no, i'd hate myself even more. i tried to think of all
other things and was thinking writing here to you about it. afterall,
"there's more to life than bjork!", i thought, or is there? could i live
without her music? or could i? i wasn't sure if i'd want to even try.
good things are so hard to find.
well, life went on and there were some other things, like this drum'n'bass
club fresh! in mazzo on wednesday and now the whole amsterdam dance event.
guess i was missing something anyway since today i left the ade to go
around the record shops which participated the event. there were good
dj's playing and so on. and, yes, me holding homogenic and joga in
my hand and thinking about bjork just like week before, not feeling any
better.
again i didn't buy it. but when i left all the nice shops i still went to
this virgin megastore in magna plaza where i'd never been before. of
course the atmosphere was quite different -- the other shops had been more
like daytime clubs but this one was more like .. well, you know.
and, once again, there was the record, no digipack this time though,
but headphones instead! before realizing what it was about i put them on
and let the music flow..
hunter got me right from the beginning. i was stunned. i just stood there
and listened. i must have looked like a part of the decoration, staring
there but not seeing anything, calm still but sometimes moving to the
rhythm and slowly entering a different world, state of emergency. no one
came to disturb me and i didn't care about anything but the music so i
listened the whole record through, only gave one smile to a couple that
bought one copy for themselves. i don't know what happened during that
hour but it was good. i was so thrilled by the music and the situation!
when the last song started i couldn't take it anymore. i had to turn
towards the wall, pushing the Headphones harder against my ears to keep
out the noice from the store, crying and shivering but from happiness.
then it was over and i walked away.
guess i've done a lot to mess up with my head before but this was
something different. at first i didn't know where i was. flying somewhere.
a little by little i started to feel the wind and hear some noices,
someone playing guitar or something. then i saw the sun and the street
and all the people, mostly tourists, around me. i kept on walking through
the town and came to this cafe to catch some breath.
now they are playing massive attack. i think i'm recovering.
i still don't have the record but got her music inside me.
no sold out concert can take it away.
thanks to you for everything,
all is full of love.
~
@ amsterdam_neurotic
. (org)